Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
