i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
