Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
