Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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