Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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