we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
