He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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