But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
