Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
