Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
