that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
