does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
