you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
