Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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