Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
