New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
