Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
