Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
