Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
