Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
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