He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
