I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
