You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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