i wish peter jackson would direct porn
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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