I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
