I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Never joke about your clitoris.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
