i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
