are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
