let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
