Apparently you make a good broom.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
