i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
