Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
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