I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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