I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
