maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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