Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
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