i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
