How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
