i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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