he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
