you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
