He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
