I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
