remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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