I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
