Sponge bath it is.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
