dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
why do cheetos always look like penises
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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