I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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