Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
