Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
we're making bets on your personal life
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Randomize
